If I knew you were coming,
I'dve faked an ache, or a
Pain down there, you know where...
At the thought of you, I get
Abscesses in the neck, by heck!
Which sorta oughta make
You stay away, I'd say.
If I thought you were coming,
I'd an earache fake or else
In the... ankle... a pain.
Nooo, ohhh, owww, o holy cow!
My foot is in... it now.
Not faked at all, that's for sure
The which I just have gotta endure.
Best no stomach aches at all to fake!
No belly-aches! Can't stand it.
Laugh it off, have no fit.
Bear both the pain and the bane.
Take the rap, no claptrap!
Fingernail, toenail, hair kaput? —
Head, toe, neck and tooth to boot?
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Any chance you were coming,
I'dve had the flu, more too.
Sick to the stomach, up
Chucking. At one end, trots at
The other acne, measles,
Chickenpox, whooping cough, mumps
And the clap to top it off.
Cough, sneeze, sniffle, scratch and bleed.
Get any attention?
You'll wish you'd paid more heed!
What you'll get, sad to mention,
Pulled right out of the air—
Lots of ailments, scary and rare,
Diptheria, malaria?
Now that you're here,
just hear me out,
What they said of you
I now see just ain't true.
Words: Wendell Hall
Tune: Anonymous from internet
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